Monday, February 4, 2013

Love Seeks to Understand

Happy is the man that findeth wisdom,
and the man that getteth understanding.

What if for the next ten days or so, you and I were to seek to find wisdom and obtain understanding concerning our husbands?

When something goes wrong in my relationship with my husband, I am at such a total loss. I actually think I am the only one in such a situation. I feel alone. I want encouragement. 

All my married life, I have not gone to my parents for help in this area. I also rarely have sought out a girlfriend. It is a rare and precious friend who seeks to help me see my 'fault' in the situation instead of 'agreeing' with me, thus putting a divide into the already troubled relationship between myself and my husband. 

Have you ever noticed how women easily chatter on-and-on about husbands?? For some reason, women tend to be like their sister (Eve) and ten to cut their once dear husband down. This behavior has gone viral in our society today!!

There are some things we can do in order to gain wisdom and understanding in our marriages without devastating our God-given prized relationship with our husband.

Have you ever noticed that women like to learn?? 

I don't know for certain, but I think there is an extremely high percentage of women bloggers. We like to learn and talk about what we learn. Women love to learn about health issues, education, cooking, and then blog about it. 

How often do women really, really take the time to study and understand their husband?? I think studying our husbands is way low on the list!! What do you think??

How much do you really know about your husband?? 

If you have been married a few months or under a year, chances are, you are still madly in love and know each other better than those of us who have married longer and have settled into a routine with children and our lives. Often, a couple's lives take on two separate forms: his and hers.

If you have a special marriage even after quite a number of years, this is for you!!

If you have a struggling marriage after a number of years, this is most definitely for you!! Don't think you are cruising along and there is nothing more you need to do. You might need to stop taking your husband for granted.

There are hidden things that we don't know about our husbands. Trust me!! 

Once after we were married my husband was telling how when he was a child, his family traveled up the Suez Canal by ship. You would have thought that he was the only one who ever did that!! My family sailed up the Suez Canal by ship the same summer. Yes, crazy, right?! Here we had been married for a couple years and didn't know a major thing about each other!!

There is always something more that you can learn about your husband. It might just be a mannerism you never noticed before!!

If you learn to understand your husband better, don't you think it will help keep the disagreements away?? Understanding leads to favor. Wisdom.

Understanding is a life-long journey that draws you closer and closer to your husband. It is far sweeter to be on a journey together than on two separate ships (like my husband's and mine) sailing up a canal without the awareness of the presence of the other. 

Do you know:

  • Do you know his or her greatest hopes and dreams?
  • Do you fully understand how they prefer to give and receive love?
  • Do you know what your husband's greatest fears are and why he struggles with them?
I am afraid I can't properly answer these questions. So, as I look towards Valentine's Day coming up soon, there are some 'things' I want to learn to understand about my husband, so that I can grow in wisdom in my marriage and learn to love him better. 

I am enjoying the book, The Love Dare, and taking the challenges presented in the book.

"Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you.
The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. 
Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, 
perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about.
Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate."
~The Love Dare, page 89~

It is never too late!! Are you taking The Valentine Challenge this month??

I'd LOVE you to leave a comment!!

Since I live out 'in-the-sticks'... friends, like you are a long ways away!!
Sooo, I'd love you to follow me on: 

Don't forget to linkup your favorite posts:


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  1. Unfortunately, my husband will be out of town for the week of Valentine's Day, but I think you have spurred an idea of something I can email to him. Keep up the encouragement, sister.

    1. I have packed little notes into my husband's socks and pockets when he goes away, as well as emails. Last time he went away (January) he came home and thanked me for one of my notes...funny thing was that note was from another trip, LOL, as his trip this time was too sudden.

  2. I have totally caught myself "complaining" about something my hubby does that I don't like to a girlfriend. It is something I am definitely working on :) We are planning a special Valentine's dinner in and some quality time together! So glad I found you at Barbie's link up :) Have a wonderful week!

    1. Thanks for stopping by and it has been nice to connect with some encouragement for each other.

  3. Hi Judith
    Yes, dear one, this is GOOD advice. After 28 years of marriage, I finally see my husband as not just the provider or head of the home. He is a human being just like me with insecurities and dreams and needs. Of, how I love to just be with him! This was my first time at MM and was glad to see a familiar face from FMF!
    Much love

    1. It is so good to hear testimonies of how our marriages become better as the years go by. So many Americans give up so easily and never put any work into learning how to love their husband better. Thanks for stopping by and have a wonderful day!!

  4. Sometimes I am amazed at the things people will say about their husbands, behind their backs or even in front of them. I am also amazed at people who don't seem to mind fighting in front of you, not seeming to realize how uncomfortable that makes people!

    But the funny thing is, one couple was having what appeared to be a knock-down-drag-out fight in front of us, and so hubby and I very nicely said perhaps it would be better if we went home.

    They were shocked and asked why we wanted to leave and we very uncomfortably said that we would leave so they could continue their "fight" in private.

    They were stunned and said "We aren't fighting!" I mean, they both said it. They said they weren't fighting and just had a little minor disagreement.

    It was our turn to be stunned, lol! As they were literally yelling and screaming at one another (something we never do because we aren't yellers) and so to us, that was a huuuuuuuge fight. Yet to them it was nothing. I shudder to think what they do when they have a HUGE fight, lol! Thanks so much for linking up to Making Your Home Sing Monday!

    1. It is strange how one couple views communication differently than another. I think what you shared here can be an eye opener to anyone who needs it. The longer I have been married the more I realize how any slight to huge disagreement basically boils down to how much we are willing to die to self and allow Christ to live through us. Thanks Nan.

  5. Great encouragement. This is a troubling area for many married women. Have a blessed Valentine's Day with your hubby.

    1. Thanks and I hope Valentines is a special day for you as well!!

  6. marriage is a beautiful thing!! love your encouraging and inspiring post!

  7. I forgot to add that I hope you are feeling much, much better!

    I am trying to enjoy my bed rest and watching lots of dvd's or t.v. or reading. I love to read! :) Tomorrow is my first time back at physical therapy (I haven't had to go in a couple of years) so I am hoping that they can help.

  8. Really great post. My husband and I have been married for 18 years and realized a little over a year ago that we weren't investing enough in each other. We made some real changes in the way we were living out our relationship and began to focus on each other more. We are enjoying our relationship more than ever.

  9. When hubby and I got married in 1986, we made several "rules" for our marriage. One was to never talk about one another in a negative way. We agreed to only share a story for ministry purposes after the situation had been resolved and we had found the Lord's answer. There were several new brides at work and I learned early that husband-bashing was a HUGE sport.

  10. I really like the "The Love Dare" book. Even if things are going smoothly, it never hurts to dig deeper and do something loving.

    1. I have read other books that might be even better but there is something so simple and practical in The Love Dare book. I agree. I was already doing similar things for my husband when I found the book. This book only gave me more specific ideas and made it more intentional for me.

  11. Excellent reminder! I have The Love Dare. Might be time to read it again... :)
    Gretchen :)

    1. Someone gave me The Love Dare (maybe a hint, LOL) and I hadn't read it until I was going through my books. I found it when I needed it most. It has been a real blessing.

  12. I can't wait to reread The Love Dare after being reminded of how much I loved it. Thanks for the wonderful words of wisdom. I'll be featuring you on this week's Matrimonial Monday!!

    1. Thank you for featuring me :-) and for the encouraging comments. The credit does go to the Lord because I can't make anything work for too long without Him!!

  13. Wonderful advice! In every relationship in life we need to take more time to listen -- and listen without thinking of what YOU will say next. I am lucky to have such a wonderful husband and I think we know each other very well. Just stopping by from the GRAND Social Linky Party. Hope you get a chance to do the same!

    1. You are so right. It amazes me how things we can say what we are thinking before we do enough listening. It is always a good idea to improve on listening. Such good advice!!

  14. A great post! I'm so glad you shared in the GRAND Social. I know much about my husband of 30+ years, but every once in a while he surprises me with something I never expected or knew about him. Delightful moments, to be sure.

  15. Hi Judith, Since I just recently decided to focus on Love as my word this year, this was a great place for the Lord to lead me. Thanks and God bless, Maria

  16. Judith,
    You make some great points about being intentional in getting to know our husbands better. My husband and I are leading a group of empty nesters through the Bible study by Gary Chapman, The Marriage You've Always Wanted. Guess what this week's chapter is on? Yup -- getting to know your spouse better by LISTENING. "Listening is not only the road to understanding another persons," he writes, "it is also a means to minister to that person." By giving someone our undivided attention, we honor and esteem them. And who wouldn't like to be honored and esteemed? THanks for a great post.


If you have gone a little way ahead, O friend, call back --
Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.


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