Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Love is Not Irritable: Part 1

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As I weekly work through each topic in the book, The Love Dare, I find that each challenge reminds me of areas in my life that I fall short. I don't feel qualified to write on marriage, yet none of us are because our righteousness is not found in ourselves but in Jesus Christ.

"But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; 
and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away."
~Isaiah 64:6~

"Behold, I have longed after thy precepts:
quicken me in thy righteousness."
~Psalm 119:40~

The only qualification I have is that I have been married for 33 years to the same sweet man through thick and thin. The more I grow, the more I realize that my marital problems are not  'him' but ME!! It is sure easy to point a finger at my dear husband and blame him for our moments of intensity. He is human and I can sure find fault with him instead of ME!! 

Have you ever blamed your dear husband when you disagree with him? I have! Have you ever noticed your reaction to a request he might ask of you? I know, I know, some of you might say that your husband was totally unreasonable with you, not considerate, demanding, rough-around-the-edges, and maybe even seemed a bit unkind!! 

If your husband (or mine) is irritable, it doesn't give you (or me) an excuse to be irritable back!! So, we will not be talking about our husbands. No one who ever gave me sound advice for my marriage ever focused on 'how bad my husband was' but on 'how bad I was.'  

Godly counsel is always opposite from the world and what our flesh would desire. Ladies too often find counsel from another friend and the two spend their time complaining about their husbands. Just listen when you are out how women bash their husbands. Do you think that selfish attitude is helping the state of marriages?? I don't think so!!

When I was younger (like twenties and thirties) I have no clue how much damage I did to my marriage!! Submission wasn't a word I understood to be anything other than my husband leading once we finished disagreeing. Patterns are set in those early days and years of marriage. You girls who are in those years, do everything you can to study God's word about submission, and learn what your role is as wife. You will bring your marriage to marital bliss a whole lot faster if you focus on being the one to change through Christ's transforming power in your life.

My favorite dictionary is the Noah Webster's 1828 Dictionary. The newer dictionaries just don't do justice to words and give the same  explanation of the meaning. Too often the words are watered down.

In working through this definition, you can easily see your own irritable nature. Look to the cross and claim the blood through Jesus Christ to cleanse your life from all unrighteousness. The lack of marritable bliss is SIN in my life not his. My husband has responded more and more loving as "I" changed my approach and responses to him. Marriage is not about me but about HIM!!

IRRITABLE: a. [from irritate] Susceptible of excitement, or of heat and action.
2. Very susceptible of anger or passion; easily inflamed or exasperated; as in irritable temper.

Hmmmm!!! I find that very interesting!! The fact that 'heat and action', anger, passion, easily inflamed, exasperated, or irritable temper' are words and phrases used give me reason to watch for this in myself. Sometimes it is the little things that can cause irritation, sometimes it is the big things like finances (which coincidentally are the primary cause of differences in marriages), and other times it just might be a cyclical or hormonal thing with us ladies, or lack of sleep. This is in no wise to make an excuse for being irritable. It is not OK!! Lets deal with these tendencies in our lives!!

Just in case you are able to read through this post and not to 'identify' with being irritable yourSELF, here are some words that are synonyms of irritable. Do you see yourSELF in any of these??
  • ill-humored
  • easily irritated
  • easily annoyed
  • easily angered
  • irascible: susceptible of anger; easily provoked or inflamed with resentment.
  • easily vexed: teased; provoked; irritated; troubled; agitated; disquieted; afflicted (put easily before each of those words)
  • touchy
  • oversensitive
  • testy: fretful; peevish; petulant; easily irritate.
  • peevish: to complain or mutter; fretful (fretful again!); petulant; apt to mutter and complain; easily vexed or fretted; querulous; hard to please, sourness; expressing discontent; sullen; froward (that has to do with the mouth).
  • waspish: snappish; irascible; quick to resent and trifling affront (some of these old-fashioned words are the best in describing a wife...does this word have a sting to it like a wasp?!)
  • impatient: Uneasy or fretful under suffering; not bearing pain with composure; not enduring evil without fretfulness, uneasiness, and a desire or effort to get rid of the evil. 
  • We are all apt to be impatient under wrongs; but it is a Christian duty not to be impatient in sickness, or under any afflictive dispensation of Providence (our circumstances).
  • Not suffering quietly; not enduring.
  • pettish: Fretful (fretful again); peevish; subject to freaks of temper!! Freak "A sudden causeless change of turn of the mind: a whim or fancy.

This week, I am asking the Lord to continue to work on my heart without being irritable towards my husband in my approach to him or my response to him. I will remember these synonyms that break down the word 'irritable' into bite-size character that isn't so desirable!! 

I will continue to work on being Patient, kind, not selfish, thoughtful, and not rude; as learning to be more loving is Christlike no matter if you are a newlywed, married for 5 years, 50 years or more, or somewhere in-between!!

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as a sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal!!"
~1 Corinthians 13:1~


Link Ups:


  1. Judith try here
    http://www.grsites.com/archive/textures/ the one I have now i googled but on this site there are TONS :)

  2. OH! I Would Love to see your binder :)
    Next I am making me a Prayer Journal :)

  3. Excellent post Judith! I see myself in this post quite a few times (yuhhhhh)! Usually, I am irritable due to lack of sleep (or too much time on the computer)! I have to work on these things so hubby doesn't suffer.

  4. In my first marriage, as Christians, but both from very serious backgrounds [him from much time in jail; mine in abuse and addiction], it was, overall, awful. I was scared of him a lot of the time, extremely small finances, his affairs, my anger, and on and on. God protected and gave me blessings through His family who reached out to me. After 15 years, the Lord told me to get out. More danger was beginning towards my kids. THEN, He gave me another man a year later. Dave is wonderful. Loving, giving, caring, blessing. I was 40 then... will be 67 in July. The past 27 years of marriage have been healthy and healing. Maybe not perfect as life has sometimes been stressful through my kids, g-kids, occasional job losses [on his part], etc. But, overall, between us love has not dropped or become bland. And the main reason? He is always good to me. He seldom requires that I do or not do something. He always says that if God tells me to do something, how can he overstep God? We both have different ministries and we support each other. To me, Dave has been a miracle, a blessing from my dear Father. If I become angry or intense or frustrated, the Lord has every right to slap my hand. [BTW, Dave isn't perfect, but he always treats me well and with respect. A whole different life for me.]

    Sorry to say too much, but you touched my heart -- and my fingers were used to pour it on your plate.

  5. That is something I truly battle. When hubby gets irritable, I instantly give it back. I need to give him love as he has a lot on his plate. I tend to forget.

  6. Yes, so true. We can keep growing more like Jesus and closer to the way we would want to walk.

  7. Beautiful post, Judith!

    I remember when the kids were little I would say "You brother didn't MAKE you mad. That's not an excuse. You are responsible for your own response and actions."

    Then something would happen that would annoy me and I'd snap at them or my husband and I'd think "Hmmmm.....that didn't MAKE me mad. I am responsible for my actions....I can't blame anyone but myself." Lol! And it would just come back to "haunt" me, lol!

    I did a little *husband bashing* myself when I was first married. My friends would all complain about something their husbands did and I thought I'd join them.

    We'd all feel better and laugh and I thought it was funny at the time. I didn't realize that I should be protecting my husband's reputation and protecting his trust in me, instead of trying for a laugh at his expense.

    1. I think back and always wish I could remember all the things I said and did because I wonder how much damage I have done for all I didn't know. Then I learned so much as the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and worked in my life...and I found how difficult it was to unlearn bad habits. It has been impressed on me lately how much the blood of Jesus covers all my past mistakes/sin.

      I totally know what you are saying about the children and our husbands. You are so right. Thank you for your comments.

  8. Judith...Great post! I don't like it when my irritable attitude hurts the ones I love though sometimes I let it. And as a child of God, I am always learning to do better. Praise God He is not done with me! Thank you for a wonderful read and for sharing it at WJIM.

  9. Judith, I'm so glad I found you (or I guess that you found me!) I love reading and studying about marriage, and my husband and I are in the baby steps of a marriage ministry at our church.
    Blessing to you!
    Melinda (Auntie Em)

    1. Blessings on your marriage ministry, Auntie Melinda (Em). People sure need all the encouragement in their marriages they can get these days.


If you have gone a little way ahead, O friend, call back --
Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.


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