Intimacy is one aspect of marriage that most brides desire more than anything else. I am no exception. For most of us, this is something we have to work hard at because our husband is not at all like us. Women are wired totally differently than men and we must learn to give 100 percent.
High tension in marriage is stressful
and not the intimacy we as women desire!!
In marriage we have a more intimate relationship than with a friend, sibling, parent, cousin, or child. There are many details of the home and family that bring joint responsibility. Even if you think you do not have an intimate relationship with your husband, you do, because you must work out the issues that all these responsibilities bring. Nothing rivals the closeness that is experienced between a husband and wife (The Love Dare, p. 81). There is a deep intimacy even in conflict. A husband and wife have the ability to hurtle painful darts like no other relationship on earth!!
The level of intimacy is not just in how many hours you sit at the kitchen table peaceably conversing. You are intimate even in a season where the conflicts in marriage seem high. Intimacy with our husband gives us the capacity to wound deeper than in any other relationship. We must learn to overlook the faults of our husband and love with a greater love like Jesus did.
"Greater love hath no man than this,
that a man lay down his life for his friends."
How can we grow to love our husband with a deeper intimacy even though you know his shortcomings?
- Accept your husband where he is and for who he is.
- You know your husband intimately: love him at a depth that you never imagined.
- Allow the secrets you know about your husband to draw you closer.
- Make your home a place of safety for your husband (or your husband will be tempted to seek it somewhere else.)
- Your husband should not feel pressured to be perfect in order to receive your approval.
- Be an agent of healing and repair-not lecturing, not criticizing.
- Listen lovingly and offer support.
- Love your husband well. This is your life's work. (The Love Dare, p. 83)
If you have been married any length of time, you are intimate with your husband. You have already found his weaknesses. If you have made mistakes in the past, you can start fresh as God, who knows the secrets about you, loves you at a depth that is unfathomable.
Instead of picking up the phone, zapping off an email, or logging onto Facebook with your latest gripe against you husband, even if it seems well-founded, reach out to your husband with grace and understanding. Instead assure your husband that his secrets are safe with you.
Each day is a new chance to grow in grace and the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ and all He teaches us about relationships and marriage. If you have compromised the intimacy in your marriage in the past, today is a new day.
If you have been hurt in some way by your husband, please do not retaliate in like manner or unkindness but Christ-likeness instead. Take this dare just as if you had been the one to inflict the wrong actions and lovingly do your husband good all the days of your life. Take up the cross of Jesus and learn to joyfully serve your husband with love, overlooking his wrong.
If you are in the season of raising children, it is important to constantly be doing sweet things to keep your marriage strong and kindled with love and respect. It is too easy to neglect your husband day after day as you tend to the children. Nurturing your marriage during these years will make the transition into the empty nest years much smoother.
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