Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Love Lets the Other Win

Have you ever seen two toddlers fighting over a toy? As adult women, we are more sophisticated than a toddler but can still act in a similar way towards our husband. We can be filled with stubbornness and be too bullheaded to willingly submit to our husband.

This can be the most difficult lesson to learn in marriage. It is the character which is most frustrating for a mother to teach her children. How often is it not completely learned before the child enters adulthood? How often does the sin of stubbornness destroy the relationship between a husband and wife? As a wife, I am willing to change my tendency to think I am right. Too often I find I am wrong and must ask forgiveness. Are you willing to learn along with me this week to let your husband win??

It amazes me that Sarah followed Abraham so totally. Twice Abraham told the same lie, that Sarah was his sister. True, she was his sister, but only his half-sister. I am sure that Sarah understood completely that she was going into a bad situation in becoming the wife of Abimelech. I don't know how well I would respond if my husband gave me to someone else to be married to. It is so easy to read this story without really thinking about what it is saying.

And Abraham journeyed from there to the South, 
and dwelt between Kadesh and Shur, and stayed in Gerar
Now Abraham said of Sarah his wife, 
“She is my sister.” 
And Abimelech king of Gerar sent and took Sarah. 
~Genesis 20:2~

Here are five examples from Sarah's life which will help us allow our husband to win:

  1. Sarah did not question Abraham, but fully obeyed. When we stop arguing, and give in to our husband the argument immediately stops. Otherwise, the same issues will continue to pop up over and over again.
  2. Sarah trusted God to work through Abraham even though it seemed impossible.  
  3. Sarah demonstrated a meek spirit towards Abraham. A peacefulness in our obedience in following our husband with a quietness in our manner, tone of voice,towards our husband and all that he asks.
  4. Sarah showed kindness with a willing attitude of obedience. This is an attitude of cooperation that permeates our spirit. It shows in our conversation with our husband, especially when there is an opportunity for disagreement. Willing to do it his way instead of MY way!!
  5. Sarah was yielded to Abraham and her God. If you have ever watched a palm tree bend in the wind, or seen how it grows, bent towards the ocean, you will more fully understand what yieldedness means. It is the ability to bend and not snap when the stresses of storms come our way. When we are like a palm tree that bends with the winds, we don't even notice the storm.
Women always have had the propensity to rear in opposition to leadership. We know that from examples in the lives of Eve, Marion, Jezebel, and many others. It seems like we know even less today than a hundred years ago about following our husband, yet, on the other hand, I am not so sure things are any different!!

Here are five ways we can ruin our chances to allow our husband to win:
  1. Being stubborn. We can hold on to our opinion and our 'right to be right.' 
  2. Defending YOUR rights. This is so detrimental to the marriage relationship. It really doesn't matter if you are sure that your husband is wrong (or you think he is wrong). This is self-centered and totally opposite to Christ-centeredness, abiding in the Vine life.
  3. Debating issues. It doesn't take long for 'defending your rights' to get out of hand and into an all-out-fight debating issues that likely are hardly important. Isn't it strange how insignificant things can become paramount in importance?! I'm not even talking about a discussion about finances, that can be a big issue. I am talking about where to hang the clothing line, where to put the dog house, or where to plant those bushes. Small. These issues won't matter a hoot in eternity!!
  4. Stay entrenched and unbending. That is all it will take for your arguments to continue. Arguments between a husband and wife can be severe or mild, either way, it isn't God's way!!
  5. Make sure you WIN the fight, stay in CONTROL, make sure to be foolish, bullheaded, and refuse to listen to your husband!!
Putting into practice the things we have been talking about in other posts from this series, Marriage is for Keeps, will help you give into your pride and to love in such a way to "Let the Other Win."  You will save yourself a lot of discomfort by learning to give in. Learn to approach your disagreements with a willingness to not always insist on your own way. Keep in the Word of God, daily, as your best advice will come from the Lord, not from my post, or any other advice you find on the internet, or from a friend. Treat your husband like your most honored friend not your enemy. 

Husbands and wives are different from each other because men and women are different but also because you each bring to marriage a personality which is individual. So often, things we have differences over won't matter in eternity. Give up your rights and honor your husband. I can't tell you how much it will do for your marriage!!

*Each week I use The Love Dare as a jumping off place for this discussion. That means I write out of my own ideas and use some of theirs to contribute to the thoughts shared. If you are having difficulties in your marriage, there are many books available. This book is very constructive in giving concrete suggestions that actually work!! 

"Look not every man on his own things, 
but every man also on the things of others." 
~Philippians 2:4~

"Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus."
~Philippians 2:5~

"But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, the
James 3:17

In Christ Alone,


  1. Judith, I love this post! Thank you for linking up with Simply Better's Tuesday Tips. What a great marriage tip. Love does let the other win. I never view me giving in as a bad thing. It's win-win in my home. Happy husband equals happy wife (and vice-a-versa).

  2. Praise the Lord in Jesus' name and thank him for you and this post (and your other posts).


If you have gone a little way ahead, O friend, call back --
Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.


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