Monday, August 6, 2012

Love Fights Fair

Marriage is for Keeps Series

"And if a house be divided against itself, 
that kingdom cannot stand."
~Mark 3:25~

There is nothing more destructive to your marriage and children than fighting. Sometimes we will call it an argument, or we might call it a 'discussion.' There is nothing that has made me feel more like I have failed in my marriage than not 'letting the other win' and trying to be the winner!!

Fighting 'fair' in God's Book, is a whole lot different than winning a boxing match fair-and-square. Winning 'fair' in a contest of strength when fighting, means we played by the rules to win. Winning God's way means following the rules set out in the Bible, but the rules are totally opposite.

Boxing is a martial art combat sport in which two people engage in a contest of strength demonstrating their ability to control reflexes and endurance. This is done by punching an opponent with the intention of knocking him out with gloved hands.

Even in boxing, there are rules that protect the opponent from sustaining a painful injury. In modern boxing there is no: hitting below the belt, holding, tripping, biting, or spitting, kicking, head-butting. In addition they are prohibited from hitting the opponent's back, back of the neck or head, or the kidneys. This is a condensed list of boxing rules but it makes me wonder, Where CAN they punch????

Boxing has a more complete list of rules for fighting than most married couples. Most married couples have no idea of how to resolve conflict. I know this has been true in my marriage. I am writing this post not because I have never had conflict in my marriage but to share some of the things I have learned. I think marriage conflict can be avoided if one of the spouses fights fair. 

Fighting fair in God's economy should not at all look like a boxing match!! The spouse who wins isn't the one who wins the argument!! 

Personally, I think wives are a major cause of our difficulties in marriage!! Several years ago I had a hard time grappling with this concept. After all, it is my husband who isn't considerate of me, it is my husband who is impatient with me, and it is my husband who expects too much of me, and, and, and!! As I thought back over the years and tried to analyze (the paralysis of analysis) the cause of our moments of marital bliss, I began to realize how much "I" was the cause of his inconsideration of me, and his impatience towards me, and so forth. 

Here are four things that I realized were causing our disagreements:

  1. My unsubmissive attitude. I was challenging everything he said and not allowing him to lead without a fight.
  2. I was cooking the type of food "I" thought was appropriate instead of choosing what he would like to eat.
  3. I was causing strife by correcting the children in areas "I" thought was important instead of really listening when he chose differently in matters of behavior.
  4. I defended myself or reacted instead of accepting correction in quiet humility.

Fighting fairly is laying down self and taking up Jesus. It is learning to be submissive to my husband and allowing him to lead. I wish I could say that I had never failed in my marriage. What I can say, is that by God's grace, I am still here being blessed by the same man who loves me despite my failures and shortcomings. 

If we as wives can learn to overlook our man's shortcomings, we will be better off.

If we learn to be submissive, we will learn the joys of loving unselfishly the way Christ loved

That is the problem with each of the four points I listed above. Selfishness is at the root of each of those things I did to cause disagreements or fights. 

How do we get out of the selfish mess we got ourselves into?? Tomorrow I will share ten of my top tips on 'Fighting Fair.' Remember that none of us is perfect. It took your whole life to get into the mess you might be in today...all God wants is for us to start relying on Jesus to live through us, abide in us, so that He can help us love our husbands the way He intended.

How have you blessed your husband by fighting fair with your love for him?? How do you show your husband submission?

Each week I take a look at The Love Dare and read a chapter and try to apply it to my life through writing. I use the thoughts in this book as a jumping off place as I endeavor to bring my love for my husband to a higher level. I would encourage you to buy this book and work through it. It is intended to be read each day for forty days. I am finding that slowing down and concentrating on one theme each week helps me to internalize the message to my heart better. 

In Christ Alone,

P.S. I know my Grab Button doesn't link up without messing up. I am working on it although at this point, I am not sure what is going wrong.


  1. Such a good subject. My husband doesn't fight. He's a strong man filled with integrity. Being right is not just not worth the fight to him (unless it's a spiritual matter). So it would be easy for me to run right over him. God spoke to me about giving my husband respect as the spiritual leader and authority by accepting his desires for our life. It makes for a happy home. Worked now for 36 years. This is such a great series and book.


If you have gone a little way ahead, O friend, call back --
Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...