Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Smothering Mothering of Boys & WholeHearted-Home Wednesdays Linkup

I am without a doubt a mother, a woman, a lady who started out as a girl. I look at life through rose-colored glasses. Feminine ones. I like long hair and pony-tails, flowers and frills, I like climbing trees or standing on my head too but nothing ever changed the fact that I am a girl. When I played matchbox cars with my brother as a girl, I always frustrated him because I would arrange the setup, the town, and not really push the cars around making those silly car noises. I was a girl.

Then I grew up, got married, and had a boy!! I remember not really thinking about it intensely. I erroneously thought that boys should be taught to keep their rooms neat (true) and put their clothes in the laundry (true) and how to cook a few basic things like cookies (true) but I never really realized that there was any particular differences between girls and boys. I was a product of the times, of public schools and the blending of the sexes. I hadn't yet learned to understand God's plan for men and why it is so impossible to completely teach them how to be girls. Yes, I said that. 

Yes, I expected my boys to make their beds, do dishes, vacuum, wash floors, bathrooms, but I gave up quickly on making them fold clothes or do too much cooking. I found that although they could be taught (and should be) to keep their room relatively clean and to help around the house, there is a different purpose than I originally thought. 

So, by the time my son turned around 17, I realized that I needed to STOP expecting him to make his bed, put his clothes away, and so forth because he was balking because he was a man. He was just who God intended him to be and I needed to teach my daughters to serve him. In return he learned to protect the girls to an extent far beyond what I would have ever thought possible. He has become a wonderful brother and son.

I know to most of you momma's, I would sound ridiculous, but for those who can relate, maybe what I am sharing will encourage you and loosen you up some. I learned so much from my oldest son which most mom's don't have the opportunity to learn. The unfortunate thing is that, like most things for me, I learned them a little too late, I am always behind.

When my boys would get too rambunctious I would try to calm them down. I didn't like fighting but I lived to learn that was normal. Boys just do that to establish their rank. With my three youngest boys that certainly happened. Some for the good and some not so good. 

I learned a LOT from a friend who was more used to boys than I was. She had three boys. Her boys were gentlemen and loved the Lord but were also young boys. They have since grown into godly young men. I remember how their living room door was right near the driveway. I almost died one day when one of the boys had a bike inside the house. It was MY boy!! She was much more relaxed than me. I learned to do better.

My youngest son, LOVES soccer. He is seventeen. When he has had enough of math, he comes out into the living room or kitchen and starts playing soccer with a six-inch soccer ball with his sister. I walk through the room, kick the ball or duck out of the way...hoping a window doesn't break. I am much more relaxed than I used to be. 

A few years ago when my son was about 14, he was trying to douse his older brother (12 years older) with a bucket of water. My oldest son had him locked between his arm and there was NO way he was going to get the better of him!! His little brother had gone too far in his shenanagins!! This is just how boys handle it and mothers like me just need to stay calm. They will survive (I think.)

I like my boys to eat with manners, you know, with their fork and knife not fingers, no burping, keeping the chair on the floor. Yes, they should eat with manners but within reason. I went too far. I was too picky. I tried too hard. What I didn't always realize is that manners have nothing to do with eternity and there are issues of far greater importance than how they eat and how they behave. Now, mind you, I taught them often about eternal things but more is caught than taught. We can teach more after we 'taught' while we think we are handling a pertinent issue at hand.

I am thankful that my oldest son (in his twenties not as a belligerent teen) pointed out some of the things I was mistaken about boys while I still had boys at home. I still don't have it all figured out but some things are a little clearer than mud now.

What things have you learned about raising boys??

Stay tuned as I explore Smothering Mothering of Boys.

In Christ Alone,


Gisela over at My Redeemer Lives tells a engaging story of her interactions with her son after a recent surgery. You've just got to read this!!


And now, for today's Linkup Party #5
WholeHearted Home Wednesdays!!!

Thank you to all who linked up with WholeHearted-Home-Wednesdays last week!!!! I was soo blessed reading all the posts that each of you ladies left.

Share your post with others out in our bloggie-niche on:
From Your Kitchen
Organizing your Home
Mom's Sharing Jesus
and any way you have
WholeHeartedly served Christ in your Home
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  5. Happy posting!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart as each of your posts are always such an encouragement to me and others.

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My Redeemer Lives


  1. I love feminine things too Judith... I used to be terrible fussy around the home and could tell if someone moved an ornament even slightly!!! Life changes us however... thankfully I've learn to relax and consider the things which truly matter... I don't want people to remember me for pumping up cushions or picking up crumbs around them but more for helping them make happy memories. This seems to be what you have learnt too... and it's much less tiring to boot!!!

  2. this is a fun and practical post, but I also think you may be too hard on yourself...we all have on-the-job training when it comes to parenthood and every child has different expectations from us. But I love the fun way you describe these things and your humble attitude in learning from your kids. And I so agree with you that it helps to hear advice from an older child when it's given respectfully. Thanks for sharing your life and wisdom. Gail
    P.S. I'm not sure I could handle playing soccer in the house : )
    You're more laid back than me.

  3. Judith...we were given two boys before our daughter came along. I learned much about how they definitely keep me on my toes...even today and they are 23 and 17! They do know how to take care of themselves (clean up after themselves, maintain some order in their rooms, prepare meals, eat with manners and do laundry) but they also know car maintenance, house repair, yard work, leadership in the home, protecting their sister and mother, etc. The one thing I tried to contain but never could was the wrestling (they still do that), BB gun shooting at homemade targets outside, archery in the back yard, climbing trees and rocks, major water balloon fights (they always came in soak and wet...oh, my floors...hahaha!) and just rambunctious boy activity (one time our oldest tried to start a campfire on our carpeted kitchen floor at an old home!!hahaha!) I love my boys and have learned that they are different than girls. Thanks for your sweet post friend.

    1. PS: My oldest never got his fire started in the kitchen (praise God) and we did set boundaries for our boys, even in their play. :o)

  4. You made me laugh again. Boys are great! :-)

  5. Thank you so much for this post and for your thoughts on being a mother of boys. I also deeply appreciate you featuring my post from last time. I have to say I do love being the Mama of two boys. They are a constant source of inspiration and laughter. I do have lots of head aches, though...and when I worry, I try to leave it and release it to the Lord who knows His plan. Sometimes I wonder what His plan for my boys is going to be and whether or not I'm going to like it...then I catch myself in my arrogance. Who am I to question God's plan for my sons? I am learning to accept the fact that even though His plan might not be what I would've hoped for, it is perfect! Regardless of myself. God is Good all the time...I just have to relax and let Him be God. Thanks again!

  6. I was hoping for a house full of boys, (I was a tomboy)but so far I only have one, and then along came two girls. This post reminded me of the first time I was a nanny for a family of all boys, everything previously had been boy/girl combos. What a shocker to the system that first week was. Boys are just different. Later I taught in a private school where they had a separate boys school and girls school. Again, my teaching styles between the 2 schools was completely different. lol! I love seeing the differences. It is a blast seeing how God designed us with some innate tendencies between the 2 sexes.

  7. What a fun post! I have a little 18 month old boy and I am already trying to tell myself to just relax and let him be. Let him eat the dirt. Roll in the dirt. Throw the dirt. We are real into dirt if you can't tell.

    Thanks for linking up with WIP Wednesday!


If you have gone a little way ahead, O friend, call back --
Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.


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